Fiction Blogs

I plan on writing serialized fiction blogs on this site. I hope that is cool.

Review of 8 Mile

I finally saw Eminem's movie. It was better than I thought it was going to be. The acting was fairly realistic and the casting wasn't bad. The ER doctor dude did a decent job as Eminem's MC buddy. Kim Basinger was believable as a white trash whore mother. Britney Murphy had a couple of good sex scenes. Her facial expressions simulated orgasmic pleasure in a convincing manner.

The rap battle scenes were cool. Eminem was perfect in the scenes and the other rappers and the crowd seemed that they had the right feel. The movie didn't end in a sentimental way and that was good.

Everyone Needs to Mobile Blog

If we all post our cell phone pics instantly to our blogs, we will have a real-time news revolution. Simply link your blog to news outlets and we can really figure out what's going on.

It Was a Hard Day's Night

I had 4 no loads in a row. I hope Kenny isn't playing tricks. But, anyways, the cab biz is definitely picking up here in Minneapolis. Cab driving is hip in modern times. Just check out the cover of Dylan's latest masterpiece. www.hiptaxi.com

Felonious Monk and Short Term Profit

The manatees got high last night. On life. It was in the air and everyone drank it in. I fell asleep before the rappers got there. Damian got the top DJ spot at Shieks. Topless chicks everywhere. I wonder if we should get steaks there on Sunday.

Jordan is in town with his wife. Mikhail left for Cali this morning with his baby. I feel depressed about the business.

Taxicab Journals #3

He was a real nervous East Indian. His wife was speechless and his son was sick. A gigantic 5 year old who wanted to be babied. His parents winced every time he coughed. I drove through the freezing rain with a careful hand. The fare was adequate. He liked the cab and felt safe with his family. We parted on good terms.

Will the Blogosphere Take Over the World?

Blogs let the pained and painful pretend to be smart. Most people have some kind of distorted insight lurking among the idiot impulses that torment them daily. They see the truth once in awhile when they are not paying attention. It smacks them in the ass and their subconscious mind winces behind their back. Then in a torrent of non-thinking talking to no one in particular... maybe to an acid queen behind a cash register... they will talk it all out exactly right. (The passing psychoanalyst might smell this phenomenon if they happen to be in the store at the time.)

Losing Oneself for Free

I think the typical day for a loser is to be totally free with all desires. A sort of anti-Buddhahood. Losers are admired by most people secretly. We all claim to depise losers but secretly feel their pain. Think about the ultimate loser: what is the first face the comes to mind?

For me, it is Pauly Shore. Weird, huh?

My Baby IS Back

I have to get back in the flow of cyberspace. This blog has too high of a Google Page Rank to ignore. What to say to the world today?

I just got back with my old girlfriend from the 1980's Maria M. She was my baby for 6 years but I lost her to a "friend." The kind of friend referred to in the Cake tune's refrain "Coming from you, 'friend' is a four letter word." I forgive the dude though. It has been so many years
and so many crossed bridges.

1960's Casualty of LSD

Mike Wood blew his mind out in a car. Acid completely fried his brain years ago. Now here he is in 2006 still testifying to his horrors and his confessions coming from a wasted mind.

Taxicab Diary: First Entry

He said he wasn't afraid to die. But that isn't easy to say. We have done this many times before. Died on the cross. He has a tendency to open his mouth. There is some magical intervention that brings your mirror image to you in your cab. We see life.

I turn a little key in my neck: a zombie redneck key. That is the only way to keep things calm.

Taxicab Journals

I was outta the jungle for awhile so I wasn't ready for this: she was sweet and ready for anything. She felt sorry for me because I was pathetic. I felt sorry for her because she was hot. The first thing outta her mouth was "I'm sorry."

Mental Illness for the Masses

Michael Jackson is a lonely man. His mental illness is on constant display for the whole world to see. But Michael is not evil. Michael is the Frankenstein monster trapped in the castle and the mindless, evil mob is setting fire to it. Just as in the classic Frankenstein movies, the deeper truth is that the 'monster,' a.k.a. Michael Jackson, is a victim of horribly strange circumstances while all the while the masses are cruelly projecting their own sins on to him.

POOR MICHAEL JACKSONSTEIN! No satire intended.....

Independent Taxi Network

Independent Taxi Network
Call ITN: Minneapolis 952-926-TAXI Saint Paul 952-926-TAXI

Anti-family Demigods

What do Plato, Jesus Christ and Karl Marx have in common? All three were rabidly anti-family.

In The Republic, The Gospel of Matthew, and The Communist Manifesto, crucial passages refer to the family's hold on the individual, and all three demigods, Plato, Christ, and Marx use an horatory zeal to convince people to abandon their family and join in the revolution, whether it is philosophical, religious or political.

Why Did the US Disrespect China?

Chinese President Hu Jintao's recent visit to the United States illustrated America's traditional contempt for China and possibly Asian people in general. First of all, the U.S. refused to grant the Chinese request for an Official State Visit. The Chinese President was forced to meet Bill Gates first in Seattle before he was allowed to formally meet with the President of the United States. When Hu Jintao finally did get to the South Lawn of the White House, somehow a Falun Gong heckler received a high-security clearance pass and interrupted the ceremony with cruel and rude remarks directed at the Chinese President. Also at that ceremony, while introducing the Chinese National Anthem, a White House announcer used the offical name of Taiwan instead of China. Nothing could be more grating or disrespectful to a Chinese President than that. Finally, as the ceremony ended, President George Bush prematurely led Mr. Jintao in the wrong direction, then was forced to grap the Chinese President by the arm and pull him back in another direction. The overall impression at the ceremony was that the U.S. has a deep, underlying disrespect for China and only begrudgingly will grant honors to the greatest country in Asia.

Translate this site to Chinese.
这个网站将中国.

Two Lost Souls Swimming in a Fishbowl

Howard Stern is asking the world to feel sorry for him. The head of CBS, Les Moonves, is suing him because Howard would not stop ranting over and over again about his new gig at XM Satellite radio.
Howard Stern a victim?? People actually buy into that? Stern has made a fortune off of his victimization of others.

People Are Strange When You're A Stranger

"Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted." -- Jim Morrison of the Doors.

The Lizard King must have been in a bad mood when he penned his immortal lyrics to "People Are Strange". But I think the Doors' soundtrack is the perfect mood music for finding a date on the Web. Faces do look ugly when you're alone, but since the Web makes almost everyone's face look ugly, the dating sites fit right in with Jim Morrison's sentiments.

When you're strange, no one remembers your name, but on the Net everyone uses a nick so who cares if they don't remember your name. Hopefully, when her face comes out of the rain, (the blurry pics on the internet) her face will look ugly no more.

Find a real date tonight!

Real Hipness is Rejecting Adulthood

Real Hipness is figuring it out for yourself.

If I show who I really am, people will freak out. So I have to control myself. Because who I really am is totally over the edge. They can’t handle it. They misread it. They misinterpret it.

I think Courtney Love is a pure genius rock star. In other ways she may be pathetic. But who isn’t? Courtney Love and I have something in common: we both refuse to accept adulthood. Or maybe we are too damaged to be the required robot that society needs to have in order to function.

That’s what adulthood is: controlling your natural self, driving whimsical impulses down, way down. Adulthood is all about business. It is about survival, and there is a deadly seriousness about survival. No one is taking care of you anymore, so can’t be completely free or otherwise somebody will eat your lunch and you.

Think of all what is lost when we are forced to mature. Ooodles of creativity dries up in the mind, and cold calculating thinking takes over in our new adult minds. It is tragic. Adulthood is a stiff neck, gait, posture. We are forced to learn the art of acting grim.

My favorite kernel of wisdom of all time is this: “Most men(people) live lives of quiet desperation.” It is sooo true, and the reason why is the burden of adulthood is conditioned into all of us as we grow older. Economic and familial harship is not what causes most suffering in my opinion. I think it is the worldwide societal requirements to act mature and take on the grim task of survival. However, survival does not have to be a grim

Google Picks Inferior Quotes for its Homepage

I think I am going to create my own quotations page since Google’s personalized homepages link to inferior quotes from quotationspage.com.

Here are a few starters:

“People who project stupidity upon intelligent people are themselves the most stupid of all.” -–Christopher Haan

“Never tell the world how much you lie inside.” --Christopher Haan

"Love is only a four-letter-word for geeks." --Christopher Haan

"He thinks he is an unsung hero, actually he is an unhung zero." --Christopher Haan


Worldwide Dating is Here!

Anti-Family Demigods

What do Plato, Jesus Christ and Karl Marx have in common? All three were rabidly anti-family.

In The Republic, The Gospel of Matthew, and The Communist Manifesto, crucial passages refer to the family's hold on the individual, and all three demigods, Plato, Christ, and Marx use an horatory zeal to convince people to abandon their family and join in the revolution, whether it is philosophical, religious or political.

Google's Homepage

Google's personalized homepages show a decided taste for (ADD) Attention Deficit Disorder. The links they show to sites such as Slashdot, Wired, Techdirt, etc., are to slow-loading blurbs that are supposed to be cutting-edge blogs by experts. In reality, almost every story that I have found from my personalized Google homepage has been a dull, warmed-over, repeat of facts found elsewhere.

Google needs to re-think its philosophy and look for originality or at least link to longer stories with more depth. Google hears the beat of its own drummer, and usually that beat is cool, but they have really missed the beat when it comes to the quality of their links on their personalized homepages.

What Does God Smell Like?

Most people think God has no odor. They have no idea that when they come across a bloody car wreck that the strange smell in the air is God sending them a message.

Freshly burnt rubber along with the metallic tinge of blood mixed with ozone is a common smell of God. SHE is burning your senses and saying, "Sorry I had to do this."

The olafactory senses register the deepest impressions upon the brain. Scientific research has shown that memories of experiences are most strongly recalled by their associated odor. A prime example of this is what happens to a Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome(PTSS)victim when he or she suddenly smells something strongly associated with a traumatic memory. A Vietnam War Veteran, for example, with one chemical whiff is often shot right back into the burning jungles. Many household chemicals have a similar molecular make-up to napalm, Agent Orange and other Vietnam War niceties, and they register a sense impression upon the deepest part of the brain where the repressed memories are stored.

Stuck in their garage, more than a few Vietnam Vets have gone beserk on the familiar fumes of chemicals.

YourDatingDirectory.com

E-rants Versus Blogs

What is the difference between e-rants and blogs? For one thing, e-rants tend to have a certain emotional quality that is often lacking in blogs. Another crucial difference is that e-rants are writings which often wander from subject to subject, point to point, all within the same post.

Often blog protocols bleed into the agenda of your typical e-ranter; in other words, there is no discernible difference from one particular e-rant and a particular blog. Yet, if you look at all the blogs and all the e-rants that you can find, you will discover that there is a definite quality that distinguishes most e-rants from blogs. This quality manifests itself through the idiosyncratic ways of the e-ranter.

E-ranters wish to set themselves as a breed apart. They know that the Web and the worldwide electronic dissemination of information is the perfect vehicle for the strange, interesting, and disenfranchised individual. Uniqueness of mind cannot be more celebrated in any place on earth than on the Worldwide Web. For the first time in history, a completely lost freak has a chance to make his or her mark on the world stage.

The delusions of e-ranters are nothing for them to be ashamed about. Everyone is deluded about something, but the e-ranter just shows his or hers more clearly to the world. This vulnerability of the e-ranter is a great virtue. Demons can be released in electronic form and the response of the unseen masses to these e-rants allows a certain catharsis to take place for the writer.
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Celebrity Psycho Analysis:Poor Michael Jackson

Celebrity Psycho Analysis
Michael Jackson is a victim. It seems that most Americans do not realize that.

The Manipulation of Daunte Culpepper

Here is the distorted story which every one will hear and repeat: Daunte Culpepper, disgruntled and selfish player, arrogantly asks to be traded, in the process letting down his teammates and forcing the Vikings' hands. Want to hear what really happened?

Daunte Culpepper, before the start of last season, was promised a renegotiated contract at the end of the season. Zygi Wilf and others in the organization said that they would definitely reward Culpepper with a new contract, no matter what happened during the season because Daunte had put in many years of high-level service and that Daunte deserved a reward.

The whole team went into a funk in the early part of the season. There were numerous injuries at key positions and Daunte had no protection and no receivers open to throw to. Of course Daunte did not play well and a huge number of fans and media types in Minnesota asked for his head.

A seeming majority of Minnesota sports fans have hated Daunte Culpepper for a long time(informal polls on KFAN radio and the Star Tribune and the Pioneer Press have confirmed this), even when he was going to Pro Bowls and putting up the 4th best stats ever for a quarterback in 2004. The hatred of Daunte has been a mystery to most outside observers for a long time. Some people think it probably has to do with race.

Last season Daunte severely injured his knee(to the secret glee of many), but with modern rehabilitation techniques he will be back next season. When he first got injured, he was privately assured my Zygi and others in the organization that the injury would not affect his contract renegotiations. His years of service to the Vikings would be rewarded and sudden misfortune would not be used to negate what he deserves.

When the off-season rolled around, Daunte sincerely believed that he had been promised a new contract and therefore he inquired about renegotiating with the team. Suddenly the shit hit the fan: Daunte was villified as 'crazy' by vitually all the local press and the vast majority of the fans calling into the sports radio stations. The story went around that Daunte was an uncooperative jerk. He supposedly would not meet with the new coach, Brad Childress, and refused to do his rehabilitation in Minnesota.

Of course, all of that was an incredibly unfair distortion of the truth. The real story is that the team was terribly manipulating Daunte through its connections with the media and poisoning everyone's mind about what was really happening. After the season, Daunte did everything he could to have private meetings with the team about his contract. Daunte knew there was a possibility he would not get a raise. But he thought the new organization and Zygi Wilf would gladly meet with him right away after the season and at least re-structure his contract for better incentives.


Behind the scenes, Daunte was privately shocked that the team refused to meet with him. He could not even get a casual conversation with the owner! After several months of quiet, Daunte, feeling betrayed, got frustrated, and let his agent speak up. The agent used business-speak to tell the media that Daunte felt that he was promised a new contract by the team. The strategy horribly back-fired.

The team portrayed Daunte, through its connections with crucial media outlets, as an uncooperative jerk who was not being a team player. The stories about not meeting with the new coach and the the locale of his rehabilitation in Florida instead of Minnesota were stressed in the media. In truth, the team was releasing those stories through contacts in the media only because the team knew that they had already decided to get rid of Daunte. It had nothing to do with Daunte's supposedly bad behavior. In fact, the organiztion told Daunte many times that rehabilatation in Florida was totally fine, especially since Daunte could get first-rate treatment there, even better than what he could get in Minnesota. That is the only reason why Daunte chose Florida. Not to get away from the team.

As for the coach, Daunte sincerely wanted to meet with the new coach. He said so in telephone conversations with Brad Childress. However, when he went to Vikings' headquarters to discuss his contract situation with the express intent of meeting with the new coach, the team pulled a fast one. They said, "No Daunte, we will not meet with you. First you must talk to the coach." But Daunte had gone there with the promise of working out exactly where the team stood on his contract. The team had manipulated him to come to the Vikings' headquarters under that pretext, then when Daunte felt manipulated and refused to see Childress, the team used that refusal against Daunte and spread the poison to the media.

Sad to say the media did not need much more poisoning. Most local scribes and radio guys have wanted Daunte out for years. It has nothing to do with his playing ability; they just hate him for unknown reasons. Numerous media guys have hounded Zygi Wilf for months about Daunte's roster bonus due this month. They are desperately trying to get Zygi to renege on the roster bonus. So far, Zygi has resisted, knowing full well that roster bonuses are linked to a player's whole career and that a player should not be punished for an untimely injury. But virtually all the media guys say over and over again that Daunte does not deserve the money because he is injured.

In recent weeks, the team, still refusing to meet with Daunte, secretly began shopping him around to other teams. The media began slyly reporting this and when Daunte got the word he could not believe it. Daunte actually refused to believe it and considered it just vicious rumor. Zygi Wilf and the other top brass had not talked to him in months and now they suddenly were deciding to trade him? The media and many fans loved it, firmly convincing themselves that Daunte is a cancer.

Daunte finally did the research and discovered that the team was in fact trying to trade him. Daunte was very hurt, but business is business, and he accepted the fact and asked the team if he could talk to any of the teams that the Vikings had contacted. This is not unheard of: when teams really respect a long-time player, they sometimes give the player the courtesy of allowing them to contact other teams. Zygi Wilf and the Vikings refused and would not talk directly to Daunte either about his contract, his bonus or the impending trade.

Daunte naturally was forced into contacting the media who hates him. He sent some e-mails to newspapers stating that he wanted to be traded or released. Now the most wicked thing of all happens: Zygi Wilf and the press conspire to betray Daunte as the terrible guy who is selfishly demanding a trade. The poor Vikings have to trade Daunte because he demands it. What a wicked lie! Daunte only asked to be traded because the Vikings already were secretly trying to trade him behind his back!


What is amazing is that in every article I read today no one mentions any more that the team initiated the trade talks. Every writer and radio guy only talk about Daunte's demand: they twist every thing around to make it all his fault. Now, to add insult to injury, Zygi Wilf tells the media today how he firmly was sticking behind Daunte as his number one guy, but now with Daunte's trade demands, poor Zygi has his hands tied. What a crock! Zygi has wickedly manipulated this whole situation from the beginning. Basically, Zygi set Daunte up into making this demand so that Zygi would have an excuse for getting rid of him. Zygi now praises Daunte after he knows Daunte's goose is cooked. Zygi was stone-cold silent about Daunte when Daunte was trying to contact Zygi about the contract. The press has totally conspired with Zygi to give a horribly distorted perspective on this whole debacle.



E-ranting: That’s all I do all day long. It is a hard long road to freedom.

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Spankin' the Asphalt Monkey

Millions of Americans spank the asphalt monkey every day. They bump and grind their way across millions of miles of petroleum waste, scarring our country with noise, CO2 , anger and wasted eons of time. Why do we insist on this strange form of locomotion?

Isn’t the answer obvious? We love the freedom of choice. We love the joy of burning rubber, of violently slashing in front of slowpokes, screaming anonymously at the jerks of the world. I love it as much as the next guy or gal. But we’re turning this whole planet into a pressure-cooker. Something has got to be done to stop global warming.

The alternative sources of energy, such as bio-diesel, electric and hybrid cars and solar panels and wind generators, have a bad rep because Eco-greenies radicalize the issues surrounding these new technologies. The easiest way to prevent NYC from being flooded in a hundred years from now by the rising oceans (caused by all the arctic ice melt in the polar regions caused by a warmer planet) is easy to do: anybody who lives less than 5 miles from work should be required to walk to work. It is so easy to walk any distance under 5 miles.

Think of all the millions of people in America and other industrial countries who could easily walk to work but refuse to do so. How much extra time would it take? An extra hour or two at most. There would be tremendous health benefits and people would see the world more intimately as they walked to work. I think it is a beautiful solution and we should all get together and make it happen. Even pass laws if necessary. The people who would be forced to walk to work would eventually thank the lawmakers for the new lifestyle and new, cleaner, more balanced, friendlier world.

This is not a crack-pot solution; it only seems like one because we ALL HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED TO BE ADDICTED TO OUR MOVING METAL CUBICLES. If we can be de-conditioned from this activity, CO2 emissions would be greatly reduced, the inner-cities and clogged suburbs would be quieter and less hectic, and millions of people walking instead of driving would create a much more intimate, friendlier world.


Spankin’ the Asphalt Monkey

That’s all I do all day long. It is a hard long road.

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Dr. Phil is a Con Artist

The beloved talk-show 'psychologist,' Dr. Phil, is treating what mentally ills America. Oprah created him, and he has skyrocketed into national consciousness. Even several American Presidents have listened patiently to the wisdom of Dr. Phil.

How this blowhard has managed to be taken seriously should be studied by scientists. He is the exact opposite of what he clamis to be. He is supposedly a super-sensitive, insightful thinker. In reality, he is a super-confident doofus without a whit of sensitivity or psychological insight. The fact that America listens to Dr. Phil is a sure sign of decline of influence of the American Cultural Caretakers. Post-Modernism creates pieces of shit like Dr. Phil and the elite's are removed that much farther from influence with the mindless masses.

Geraldo Riverabus

Geraldo Rivera is at it again. He has his new show syndicated around the country and his unique spiel of posturing, bathos and chest-thumping is thundering its way into American homes. Geraldo is the modern day version of the local Roman governor overseeing the gladiatorial games.

NBA Basketball the best???

E-rants for the Masses
Is the best basketball in the world played in the NBA? Not anymore. The league is diseased and anyone can see it by checking out any random game on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Watch the players lug up and down the court, see the surly benchwarmers glaring at their teammates, feel the lack of teamwork on the court, and it is obvious most of these guys are thinking about all the dough they got at home and are bored silly by the game. If the players in the NBA are bored in the game, how the hell can the fans not be bored?

I challenge anyone to compare the style and attitude of the players in the NCAA tournament to that of the NBA players and tell me they do not see the sad, lost, loose play of the pros. Somehow the pros in the NBA have lost their edge. Ever since the Dream Team, with Magic, Michael, Bird, etc. in '92, the league has been steadily sliding. Very few teams have good player chemistry and very few teams play with a consistent team strategy. It is very hard to get high quality basketball when most of the players play selfishly.

The coaches cannot tell these guys what to do. They have more power than the coaches. The modern era has ushered in the superstar, the individual who plays solely for himself and the crowd. Almost every player in the league was touted at one point as a potential superstar, and since the reality is that there can only be a few real leaders, most of the guys are unhappy. It is easy to sense the jealously on most NBA teams.

The shocking truth is that from 1992 to 2004 the rest of the world caught up to the NBA and then surpassed it in basketball quality. In 1992, the original Dream Team won all 8 games at the Olympics in Barcelona by an average of 44 points. At the 2004 games in Greece, the American Olympic team, stocked by the best pros, such as Allen Iverson, Dwayne Wade and LeBron James, lost 3 games and barely won a bronze medal. Virtually every game was tough, even against countries not known as basketball meccas, such as Greece and Spain. The small island nation of Puerto Rico crushed our 2004 Dream Team by the score of 92-73.

The facts and observation scream it out:
the NBA is not the best basketball anymore.

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Delayed Notes on the Olympics

Just like a little girl dropping a toad, American viewers recoiled from NBC coverage. Bob Costas has about as much life in his tone of voice as a piss-toad. He gives a strong impression that he looks down on these strange un-American sports. He tries to present a fake homie vibe, but his little cynical, "real dude" asides constantly betray his uneasiness at being the master of ceremonies. When he comments on the athletes, especially the figure skaters, even when he is just leading-in to the other announcers, he often gives the smirk and jab that subtly assures the average Jill and Joe that he also does not like this strange, prissy, worldly shit called 'Olympic sports.'

The TV ratings in America were way down for the Olympics because the average American has grown tired of the same dull faces and the same dull voices covering the Olympics. Bob Costas being the dullest face and voice of all, he has got to go.

What's on the Web?

I mean most of us surf every day to no avail. What I mean is that there are so many billions and billions of lost links on the internet, that most of us are just sludging through a vast crapland of fake sites, creative spam, too much redundant porno sh$#%t, all of it designed by money seekers and money makers. Which is all right because it is entertaining. None the less I think it is important to remember why we really surf the web: to grow as human beings. Awwwww... u know what I mean. Our brains are collectively nurtured by all these trillions and trillions of bits and bytes. We don't see the zeros and ones, but our minds feel digitized. And digitized people are grown-up people. No matter how many times I lose out on the web, I always come back because I know I will grow up eventually and become a fully digitized citizen.

Stealing the Algorithm

I can feel it. The googlebot is coming to get me. You might say I am insane, but I know for certain that Google is a strange company and that the founders, Page and Brin, definitely have a master plan for the whole world. Check out this blog to get a feel for who our masters are: Page & Brin .

Sure, you might say, "They are just a couple of innocuous geeks." But you probably haven't read as deeply into them or their company as much as I have. I can't go into too many specific details here because Page & Brin's googlebot records everything on the Worldwide Web. All I can say for now is that there is more to that gaping white space on Page & Brin's famous homepage, google.com, then almost anyone realizes.

Google prides itself on minimalism and speed. The perfect combination in an Information Age. That sparse page, google.com, has attracted over a billion people since its inception. That such a streamlined creation could change the world boggles the mind. All the big boys, Yahoo, Msn, AOL, desperately fill their portals with as much clutter as possible. Google stays primitive but holds fast to the most ass-kicking search algorithm(s) ever created.

Just think if one could steal Google's search algorithm. The possibilities are intoxicating. A few pages of dense, arcane code might be worth over a billion dollars! Of course, I believe there already have been many attempts to steal their sacred algorithm, with a few half-successes. Yahoo, Msn and others probably have gleaned the minds of Google defectors for many years.

Yet Google, led by the mysterious geeks, Page & Brin, always stays one-step ahead of the competition. They constantly tweak their algorithm to make it the purest, most fair, most thorough page-searching algorithm on the net. Google's algorithm weeds out garbage more brilliantly then anyone else. It finds obscure sites quicker than anybody else. How do they do it? The only way to know for sure would be to steal their algorithm.

I am disturbed by Google's all-encompassing influence, but I could never even consider the possiblility of attempting to steal their sacred algorithm. It would probably be a sin to even recommend such an action. However, many others have penetrated Google's recesses and a few have succeeded in doing diabolical tricks. What I am talking about here are individuals who secretly work for other internet portal companies and get hired at Google, posing as run-of-the-mill computer scientists. Google has an incredible vetting process, but a few bad apples get in.

These individuals, bad apples so to speak, lust for Google's algorithm. According to strict protocol, only Page & Brin can see the entire algorithm at one time. However, bits & pieces of this crucial code are scattered about at Google headquarters, and the enterprising computer scientist, with enough cloak-and-dagger ingenuity, can sometimes steal a few code nuggets and take them home and then sell them to the competition. That's how the world has partially caught-up to Google in page search speed.

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The Nature of Language

i have come to the conclusion that cyberspeak is an enjoyable language. It allows one to break the rules of grammar and punctuation without penalty. And this ain't no sin. Language, especially English, has always been an organic substance. In other words, the diction, syntax and rules of any natural mode of communication, such as English, have always morphed and evolved as humans put input into it.

Strict, mechanistic rules in language are only formalized in order to ease communication among the elite. However, the important thing to remember is that certain individuals are naturally elected the right to challenge this order. They do so by being creative.

If we are going to fertilize this organic thing called English, then we have to be willing to see through to the real meaning of the shackles of formalization, and see that these strict rules are really a form of enslavement. Particularly what is enslaved is your creative spirit.

Of course, average ordinary casual speakers know instinctively that language is organic. There are zillions of microcosms, families, sub-families, neighborhoods, clans, groups, sub-cultures, elite and scrubbers, all of which secretly defy convention. Human beings, lurking in their sub-culture, decide willy-nilly to make their own personal language.
The most spectacular recent examples of sub-cultures that have gone far beyond the casual and ordinary in language refinement are the Hip-hop culture and the Cyber culture.

The language wizards in Hip-hop are creative creatures morphing inside your ears. Your average rapper says defiantly, "I make my own world. I/We live by my/our own rules. If you dig us, join our party, help us create a new way to talk,understand the way we talk, rap with us and be free in body, spirit, mind and soul!"
Purveyors of Cyberspeak are very similar in their sentiments. Countless kids can break every English rule in the book behind their teacher's backs and be rewarded for their intelligent creativity at inventing new language terms and acronyms. By being hip to the standard argot of particular chatters, a cyber-geek gets instant status.

Language is a give-and-take game. If what you write is cool and others like it and decide to create a world of communication around your introduced terms and styles, then they will have organically taken what you have offered and helped you to grow a new branch on the language tree. What is so great about such givers like cyber-heads and rap-geeks is that they are bringing much-needed foliage to a tree with a big, fat (not phat)trunk that has grown from the soil of the powered elites, such as traditional novelists, bureaucrats, lawyers, editors, politicos, etc.

Now I do not think these groups of powered elites are completely evil because everyone becomes a powered elite eventually if they are not oppressed and possess talent. (Let's be honest: the hip-hop world and cyber world are full of elites and strict hierarchy.) The problem I have with any elites is that their formalized world stultifies outsiders. If, for whatever reason, you couldn't join the necessary hierarchy of your chosen field or avocation, you will find that you are a fool to the elites of this world because you will not be hip to the definitions of correct communication in it. Knowing the proper language games by the right powered elites is what matters.

I mean, if I tried to rap, I would be one whack motherfu#$%er. When I try to throw my 2 cents into cyber-culture sites on the net, for example, chat rooms, forums, game sites, link dumps, tech site, etc., I can subtly feel the geeks recoiling in horror. But they are only repulsed by me because I don't deserve respect in a world that I have not sweated the proper amount of blood and tears for and have not been properly vetted in. I can't get too upset. All I can do is say, "Hey, I'm a maverick, a free radical, a sticky piece of glue that heals the word wounds between competing sub-cultures. I admit the guilty truth: I am a universalist. But don't see me as someone working for the old fat tree of knowledge. I wanna grow a new phat tree, not just branches, and only a universalist can do this."

(I gotta chill-out and end this rant cuz I'm gettin' tired. But I'll be back...;))